The Congressional Jerry Springer Show

It was a slow news day in which all the wars continued to be wars, as could be expected. Stocks continued to rise even though investors dialed their rate-cut bets back down to just one cut this year, as could be expected. Gold continued to rise in the face of self-destructing world currencies, as can now be expected. Wild storms ravaged parts the country, as could be expected. (It’s a big country; bound to be a big storm somewhere.) And the coral reefs continued dying, as could be expected. (Note: The Great Barrier Reef, once the harbinger of all coral death has largely repaired itself in the last two years, which was unexpected by the top scientists of humanity.) Florida is facing a heat wave, as could be expected; but the temperature is now being reported as “real heat” versus the old standard, “temperature” to allow for seasonal adjustments … as can now be expected for the rest of time as climate-changers need to intensify their heated arguments.

In other words, normal levels of human lunacy and normal earthly activity could be seen everywhere. In spite of how normal the day was, Congress managed to descend to new comedic lows. As Congress continued to work hard to round up every UFO file in the nation to see if aliens exist, it would appears they had no further to look than their own hallowed halls to answer that question. (The collected reports received so far, of course, have been redacted down to where just the pronouns and adjectives remain visible.)

Clowns in Congress known by their initials because their names are so often in the press for the things that beg one to question “Does intelligent life exist on earth” decided to turn the House Oversight Committee hearing, which was ironically about a resolution to hold Attorney General Merrick Garland in contempt of Congress, into a demonstration of how truly contemptible congress and members of congress are. AOC and MTG turned the meeting into an episode of the Jerry Springer Show as they got in a catfight over nothing having anything to do with the subject of the meeting.

Marjorie Taylor Greene appeared to have started the fight by asking if any of the Democrats in the room employed the daughter of Donald Trump’s hush-money judge, Juan Marchan. Representative Jasmine Crockett asked if MGT knew what everyone was gathered there for, and Greene retorted like a Springerette or a kindergartener, “I don’t think you know what you’re here for.” She followed her debate up with, “I think your fake eyelashes are messing up what you’re reading." And that’s when the gloves came off.

Ranking Member Jamie Raskin pretended to break up the fight as Springer would pretend to do by saying, “That’s beneath even you Ms. Greene.”

AOC demanded MTG’s words be struck from the congressional record, called Greene a “baby girl” and demanded she apologize, which Baby-Girl Greene refused to do, and that is when they practically started jumping over their seats to get at each other.

The attractive Crockett, attacking back at Greene, yelled something about her being a "bleached blonde” with a “bad-built, butch body." They stopped just short of tearing each other’s clothes off, as no one listened to the leader of the meeting pounding his gavel and trying to get things back on track, as Springer would fein doing.

Greene then asked Crocket to debate her (about what was not at al. clear), but then, demonstrating her own congressional debating skills, added, “You don’t have enough intelligence!” The audience gasped and booed, and the screaming reached a high pitch. Still no clothes came off.

Representative Lauren Boebert reportedly tried to calm everything down between drinks by apologizing to America for congress’s contemptible behavior. (Well, OK, I added the”between drinks” part, but all the rest came straight-out of the mouths of Congress.) She, infamously, cannot stand Greene; and the two regularly trade verbal attacks, even though they are on the same team; so, this was the perfect opportunity for her, not having been a part of the attacks, to grandstand on Greene’s lack of decorum.

Meanwhile, in a separate story, Republicans also expressed their outrage as Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito because his wife hung the US flag upside down outside their judicial home because the neighbor across the street called her the c-word. (Also not me making anything up here. The comedy writes itself.) That turned into a pissing match between the men of Congress as they dragged Justice Clarence Thomas’s wife, Virginia "Ginni" Thomas, into the fray. Virginni came under fire for her actions during the Capitol Riot in which, as an outspoken Trump ally, she asked Trump's former chief of staff Mark Meadows to encourage Trump not to concede to Biden. Both judges reportedly claim they had no awareness of their wives' actions. So, the two wives will have to hang alone … together. (The judges kept their own hands clean.)

Meanwhile, Dave Aronberg, the Democratic State Attorney for Palm Beach County, Florida, told Newsweek via email on Thursday: "The Supreme Court continues to lose confidence among the American public, and this is another example why. Justice Alito and Justice Thomas can try to distance themselves from their wives for overtly political behavior and extremism, but the stain on them and the Court is not washing away."

So, it was a fairly normal news day in the chaotic state of human affairs in the US … in the year 2024.